Yankee Doodle Scooters

(R.Wilde and several co-workers attend a Yankees game)




Wilde: "i can't believe they are going to tear the old girl down after next season.

JonMykel: "what?"

Kregg: "you mean you didnt know they are building a new stadium?"

JonMykel: "no!"

Wilde: "can you not see the eight cranes set up behind the stadium? They have most of the bowl completed already."

Kregg: "yeah, word is that Steinbrenner started before he even applied for the permits."

Wilde: "it must be true because they only got the permits six months ago and they seem to be alot further along."

Kregg: "quit driving circles around the stadium and park for pete's sake."

Wilde: "yeah, for pete's sake."

JonMykel: "who? the project owner?"

Kregg: "not peter, just pete?"

JonMykel: "what?"

Kregg: "what?"

Wilde: "hey! look at that why dontcha! Where are we, france?



JonMykel: "a police scooter?"

Kregg: "are the new york precincts hurting that bad?"

Wilde: "wheres the cop that rides that beauty?"

JonMykel: "oh, i am sure he parked it and walked away as fast as he could.

Kregg: "probably didnt even look back."

JonMykel: "yeah, hoping someone would steal it or kick it over and break it."

Wilde: "park park, geez! i wanna ask that officer standing behind it a question."

Wilde to the officer: "sir, yeah, excuse me, is this your police scooter?"

Officer: "why would you think that?"

JonMykel: "well, you are standing it pretty close to it, we just assumed..."

Officer: "you know what ya do when you assume, dontcha boy?"

JonMykel: "boy?"

Officer: "have youtes been drinking? am i gonna havta make ya wok da line?"

Wilde: "no sir, we were just curious....why a scooter? we've all seen chips, we know about the harley's so why the tranistion to a scooter?"

Officer: "look, keep moving, aight."

Wilde: "no offense sir, i just really want to know, you see i think the world would be a better place if everyone rode a scooter."

Officer: "listen you seem like a good kid. we dont want alot of attention to the scoots so dont go runnin ya mouth about what i am gonna tell ya. ok, kid?"

Wilde: "my lips are zipped."

Officer: "the department purchased 300 of these scoots. 200cc's of power with front and rear disc brakes for easier stopping while navigating through the congested new york city streets."

JonMykel: "how fast will they go? 35mph?

Officer: "haha ya dumb bloke, these scoots top out at 75mph have water proof this and that, tons of compartments with an automatic transmission. not only are da scoots extremely fuel efficient, they have the lowest emissions and shock absorbers making them the smoothest ride in town. they are ideal for stop and go situations.

Wilde: "so they got you on a scooter?"

Officer: "nah, it takes alot of seniority to get on a scoot, only the elite in the department get one.

Kregg: "what was the matter with just using the horses. are the scoot replacing the horse mounted patrols?"

Officer: "you still got some horses cause the height advantage the officer has when riding a horse is champion. the horses are mainly around times square, midtown and in da park. watch out for da steaming piles boys."

JonMykel: "i just dont see intimidation on the scoots though."

Officer: "have you seen them out on patrol? its a grand sight to behold."



Officer: "The scooters have been most effective fighting to stop the Five Families of the Sicilian Mafia, the Westies of the Irish Mob and Russian organized crime elements. The Scooter Patrols work with the Organized Crime Control Bureau's Joint Organized Crime Task Force and works in cooperation with the FBI's NYC field office. Its all high level stuff. The Scoots as we call them regularly assists the units of the Organized Crime Control Bureau when executing high risk arrests or warrants."

Wilde: "i had no idea."

Officer: "not many people do. we also have a COPs program we are working out."

Kregg: "COPS program?"

JonMykel: "you mean citizen on patrol?"

Officer: "exactly. you wouldnt believe some of the people that ride on patrol. Derek Jeter has a scoot. he flipping hates crime. he says when he puts on that scooter helmet, nothing can stop him from taking a bite outta crime. the helmet makes him incognito of course, like a masked man."

Kregg: "NO WAY!"

Officer: "yes way. listen, when he leaves here, it'll be on a scoot."

Officers radio: "unit 21please respond to a distrubance over on the allenwood side of the block."

Officer: "i gotta run boys, but remember everything i said is kinda hush hush, it gives us our advantage, you undastand?"

And with a wink he gets on the scooter and rides off. The boys head on into the stadium for the matchup between the Blue Jays and Yankees.





During the game Wilde couldnt hid his excitement about this new found scooter knowledge. he asked several fans sitting around his section about scooter cops. "we dont know nothing" is the only response they could muster.

Wilde: [thinking to himself] "wow this is low key or are the scooters almost unnoticeable out there?"

Sitting three rows from the field and right in front of third base, Wilde screamed out to Jeter, "hey scooter man!"

Jeter, looked around in both direction as though making sure no one else was paying attention to him and walked a little closer to where Wilde sat. Jeter stared Wilde down, winked at him and put his finger to his mouth as to hush Wilde. Jeter then tipped his hat and walked back to his position at shortstop.

Wilde and company stuck around after the game and watched as this lone scooter left from the players gate. Of course they knew who it was and admittedly felt like the streets were going to be safer, even if just a little bit.