September 11, 2007 - Tuesday
its five o'clock in the a.m. as i sit in the airport at the gate, gate C4 to be precise. Sleep has my number. In just a bit, i will most definitely be snoring on the plane. Sure, the snoring will wake me up. It will be a tad emabarassing, but not enough so that it will prevent me from closing the lids and doing it over again.
Here is the thing i hate about flying. I just made it through the security line and they go through your skimpies and whatnot. The irritating thing they do is make you put any kind of liquid or gel containing substances like toothpaste or face wash into a tiny zip lock bag and place it on the roller for inspection.
Do you guys know why they do this? Because some terrorist prick attempted to take some kind of liquid on a plane to make a bomb, or so we were told. How does it affect us? we can only take 3 or 4 ounce size toiletries in our carry on bags. It really depends on what airport you go to. there is no consistency from city to city on what they allow.
So this morning i had to discard or allow them to discard a bottle of face wash and a tube of paste formulated to clean the choppers. The bottle of face cream was 4 ounces. The Transportation Security Administration worker person lady informed me that it had to be 3.4 ounces so i couldnt fly with it.
"ok, whatever lady...toss it i guess."
The toothpaste couldnt have had an ounce of paste but it was a regular sized tube. This is lunacy or is it loonacy? Does it matter? really? now i gotta buy more stuff. I guess they have to be careful though. As far as they know, I might have McGyver -esque skills and be able to make something out of a half empty 4ounce bottle of face wash and a flat empty tube of paste.
What would i make though? a snowmobile? a parachute? hydrochloric acid to melt through my seat belt so i can get up faster and hit the jon before there is a line to wait in? i dunno but this is stupid and dont ask me if i feel safer. These guys can throw away a tube of crap but at 5a.m. they arent checking other stuff close enough. i would bet my life on that. ok...maybe not my life, but something valuable like my 1989 leaf donruss baseball card collection and thats only because i have two of them and it looks like baseball cards arent worth crap umpteen years later after we all bought into that scam.
FLY THOSE FRIENDLY SKIES BABY!
Another quick story and i wish i had taken some pictures of the damage and the dog but i didnt so sue me.
our neighbors keep their dogs up like a pan handler pays attention to personal hygiene. Its non existent. Don't get me wrong i like a dog as much as the next guy....as long as its mine and its not inconveniencing me.
Unfortunately the one truth i have figured out on my own is that a pet, especially a dog and most especially a puppy needs plenty of attention. I had a chocolate lab that would eat the siding right off the house, no time for a plate. "want salt on that? want i should nuke it in the microwave first? No? You're good? ok."
you gotta pay attention or your pet with destroy something that belongs to you or your neighbor. Maybe you dont care. Stay classy then and stay the heck away from me with that attitude. you aint selling nothing that i am considering buying, nothing.
So anyway, back to the story and this story only has one funny quip and the moral is quite fuzzy, especially at this point.
our neighbor's pup has not only learned to take plenty of healthy poops in the yard, he has discovered he likes to lie and kick and romp and play in my flower bed. Three geraniums gone. poof, just like that, destroyed. I envision that he gripped the branches in his mouth and shook violently. I would think its funny if i saw it....that is with him doing it at his own house or with his play toy. i would laugh and shake my head and say, "that ol'dog sure is having a good time, bless his heart" , but his good time has infringed on my good patience.
Its been this way for weeks, he takes off shoes, he strows bark, he chews DW's fall yard decorum. That was the final straw really. She had some kind of straw man thing sitting on a pumpkin. that straw man just sat there, he didnt bother any one, but the puppy dog showed him no restraint. he violated that poor 8 dollar straw man and DW has nothing left but comtempt in her heart for said pup.
DW, as distraught as she was, kicked the straw man into the neighbors yard. She wanted them to see it. The whole time we are complaining about the neighbors. The neighbors this. The neighbors that. My son Jackson is soaking it all in. He is always up for conflict. He is like he daddy and is a bit of an instigator. It tickles him to play jokes and wrestle and fight. There is no malice, mind you, only fun.
So DW finds the straw man back in our yard again that afternoon and kicked it back into the neighbors yard hoping once again that they would see it and realize just how ticked we are. Jackson looked up at his mommy with his big blue eyes and said, "momma, i dont understand what you are doing, but i LIKE it."
Then he ran over and gave it another kick. That was something he could get behind. Precious, just precious,
I wish i could do a better job at expressing tone in these types of dialogues but alas, this will have to do. Its early. I got up at 3a.m. to catch this flight. Bear with me. Love covers all. Double knot your shoe strings when you tie them, do the bunny loop. kill all snakes and lastly but not necessarily most importantly chew with your mouth closed, no one wants to see your food.
kindest regards,
rob
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