Selections from R.Wilde, chapter 173
(leaving on a jet plane)
"Wifey, i am about to leave. do you wanna get up and walk me out?"
:yawn: "yeah, i'm up. are you all packed?"
"I did it last night."
"What time is your flight?" she asked.
"six thirty. here, carry this to the car for me my hands are full".
"you could just make two trips ya know" she said with a smirk.
"love you doll, kiss jeffy for me, will ya?"
I arrived at the airport in plenty of time to beat the long security lines. This by the way isnt typical. It takes me forty minutes or so from the time i leave my house until i can be walking in through the revolving doors at airport and i am usually running. i get in the security line and wait. This game can take for what seems like an eternity when you are pressed for time catching a flight. Your serve mister Transportation Security Administration guy, your serve.
"why do we call it an airport? why not an air station and a train port instead? i would suppose it has something to do with the nature in which many planes are parked at one time planing and de-planing passengers wheras you think of trains coming into a station one at a time and promptly leaving before another arrives. But this isnt necessarily the case, Grand Central Station has sixty seven tracks besides Grand Central's official name is Grand Central Terminal. Why does this guy keep looking back?" i wondered.
"Hello, jeez a lou. You wouldn't think there be this many people at the airport on a Tuesday morning, would ya?" he blurted out to only me although there were plenty of other strangers in line to converse with at five something in the morning.
"Yeah buddy. Crazy huh? Yeah, i fly out of here most Tuesdays. The lines are usually longer. I guess people do like me and work in the office on Monday and then fly the middle of the week. Who knows really?"
Finally, i am through the security line. "If they dont make you feel like a criminal going through that line, i dont know what. i get so tired of having to get out my laptop, take off my shoes, put my cell phone in the bin and on and on", i think.
"what gate, what gate? lets see, ah, there it is. Excuse me sir, are there any exit row seat available?" i inquired of the friendly gate agent.
"yes, may i see your ticket?
A few minutes later i decided to walk over and look out the window to check if the plane has arrived. There were four planes sitting, waiting, yearning for passengers. Well i dont know if they were yearning so much. I can never tell which one it is. There is no logic to it or if there is, that logic changes on a weekly basis. I walked away the window and back to my seat none the wiser. I noticed a lady had looked up at me a few times as i looked at the planes.
"is our plane here?" she wanted to know.
"oh yeah, its that one" I actually pointed to one. I wondered when we got on a different plane a few minutes later if she thought ill of me later for misguiding her. I cant worry about that now. i gotta hurry up and get on the plane to ensure i claim adequate space in the overhead bins, im a bit of a space hog if you will.
There were only nine people on the entire plane. I have only encountered this low number of people on my flights a hand full of times. Typically the airline sells more seats than are actually available. They overbook like this because more times than not someone is going to be a no show. This practice is very very inconvenient when you are flying from the New York and Atlanta airports due to the fact that its not uncommon to have your flight canceled for some obscure reason.
I fly to NY and through Atlanta quite often, in fact i once sat locked inside the plane stuck on the jetway at Laguardia for five hours and dont you know there was a baby screaming its head off. I cant say that i blamed the child one bit.
As we take off, the flight attendant walks over to my seat to address me. "Sir, are you aware that you are sitting in an exit row?"
"Who, me?" i asked as i looked from side to side. "Exit row? whats this all about?"
Needless to say she got rather aggravated with my joking around. Flight attendants can be very serious people and they should be i guess. Its funny really, how they all differ. What one laughs at the other chews you out for.
She handed me the emergency brochure found in the seat back pocket in front of me. I smiled. "Sir, are you willing and able to assist in the event of an emergency?"
"To help you do what? Will i be reimbursed for my time?" i asked. I thought she was going to kick me off the plane at this point.
As i perused the brocure for the one millionth time, i became quite entertained with one particular portion.
i noticed the little man embracing what appears to be the seat cushion. it is indeed the seat cushion my tush is resting on. My mind drifts off about how unhappy i would be in the event of a water landing and picturing myself holding onto this cushion with my feeting dangling in the water as shark bait. That cushion wouldnt be much help i thought.
Then i realized how silly that was. if we really crashed, especially in water, the chances that the plane and everyone on it not being ripped to shreds was highly unlikely. silly me.
The flight attendant announced that she would begin serving the snack and beverage service starting with the front of the cabin.
i was located in the middle of the cabin. I flagged her down. "Miss, i am ready for my in flight snack now" i report.
when she finally came back around to me i asked for not only an orange juice and a pack of crackers, but the entire can of juice and a bottle of water to boot. She complied.
"Marvelous, you are doing a good job", i told her as she handed me the snacks.
"This is a nice spread" i said to myself, "even if i do say so".
i was ready to take a quick nap. i kicked my boots off and covered up with a blanket.
There was a lady across the aisle. I couldnt take it any longer, i had to say something to her.
"Are you looking at my feet?"
"Pardon me?"
"Are YOU looking at my feet? If you are going to look at them then look at them, but for pete's sake quit being such a sneak about it. Jeez!"
About that time she rang her flight attendant call button. As the flight attendant approached her she exclaimed, "i want to move!"
The flight attendant peered around the entire empty cabin of the plane trying to make a point and said "ok, move to any other seat you like ma'am. will there be anything else?"
i cut my eyes at the lady and glanced at the flight attendant and made a gesture that indicated i felt the lady across the aisle was crazy. "she wouldnt quit looking at my feet. did she tell you that? i blurted out.
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