When Pigs Fly

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Wilde again went to the Bronx to see the Yankees play hoping to see A-Rod's 500th homer. Alas, it was not to be on that night, but two nights later. Poor Wilde.

Wilde made an open invitation to everyone on the jobsite to go to the game. About 16 of his closest jobsite friends accepted the invitation and joined him at the ball park.

Most of the guys that attended the game with Wilde were relatively young with the exception of Don. Don, a 68 year old spitfire was never one to miss the opportunity to enjoy the festivities of going to the big city.

Don was an old country boy that grew up raising horses in Randolph County Alabama. Don had been a close friend of Burt Reynolds, breaking horses for the Bandit. Wilde believed that Don got his wild streak from hanging with Burt back in the 1970's.

Recently, Don had been included in many activities the younger guys engaged in, including sky diving for Tyler's birthday. About a week before the ball game, the young crew, minus Wilde had taken Don into the city to a hip hop night club they frequented.

Don didnt go anywhere without his cowboy hat placed securely on his head. Once he got into the night club he began receiving riducle from other nightclubbers for his attire. Suffice it to say, the old man was not about to take any lip from a bunch of hippity hop kids so he pulled his knife out of his pocket and threatened to "slit their throats". Subsequently he was "thrown out" of the establishment.

The skinny old man who was usually very mild mannered could definitely be a handful if he had a beer or three so Wilde was concerned that similar behavior at the ball park could potentially be concluded with a few mishaps, but there was no talking with Don. He knew what he was doing, he was raised up with the Burt Reynolds, the old pigskin captain from Florida State for pete's sake.

Just to be safe, Wilde secured tickets for Don and most the crew about four rows behind where he was sitting. This was a good idea. No problems, and then Wilde felt something hit him in the back. It was a peanut. Wilde looked back and saw old Don laughly uncontrollably. Wilde smiled and turned back around to watch the game. The Yankees were playing the White Sox and the yanks were beginning to run away with the game and A-Rod was up to bat.

On the same row with Don sat a few White Sox fans who were loudly shouting their disdain for all things Yankee. The Yankee fans begain to stand up, point and chant "wrong house" to the disorderly Sox fan. A tussle ensued. Don, now the purveyor of peace settled the crowd down with a loud redneck two hands in mouth whistle. He was everyone's hero, for the moment. The police officer who walked up the steps was even smiling at Don.

It wasnt long until the opposing fans were at it again. One of them bumped into Don causing him to spill his 8 dollar cup of beer. Don was not pleased and had a few choice words for the bumper. To make a long story short, Don pulled his knife out from his boot where he had tucked it away in hiding and waved the knife in the air.

This did not go over well and Don was of course removed from the ball park. He wound up spending the night in jail at the bronx precint near the stadium. Two days later Wilde asked Don what had happened. Don didnt remember the details but he said that those new yorkers told him although they had never been to Alabama, he was alright.

Wilde told Don that he was just going to have to start leaving his knife at home.

Wilde: "What if you had wound up stabbing that guy Don?"

Don: "So, it wouldnt have killed him and it would have shut him up."

Wilde: "Don, how'd you even get the knife in the stadium?"

Don: "it wasnt hard, i put it in my boot and told the security people that the boots were steel toed."

Don asked Wilde when they were going to go to another game and Wilde told him "when pigs fly". Don responded knowing fully well how much of a fan of Burt Reynolds Wilde was, "Dont expect an invite to meet the Bandit when he comes to town then".

Wilde was crushed.....