While visiting DC, Wilde spotted a group of monks entering a Borders Bookstore. Wilde always interested in talking to different peoples from all over the world entertained the thought of going over and talking to them.
From across the street where the Hotel Harrington faced the Borders Bookstore, Wilde yelled to the group of monks...
Wilde: hey guys, wait up!
The monks appeared to have paid little to no attention to Wilde. Wilde yelled again.
Wilde: I like your robes!
This time Wilde caught the attention of the youngest looking monk who was holding the door for the others.
Monk holding the door: hello back (he said in almost a whisper).
Wilde: Can I come to the other side of the street and speak with you?
Monk: Son, you are on the other side of the street.
The monk tried to keep a straight face but wound up laughing hysterically. The other monks had already entered the bookstore and the monk seemed freer to laugh.
Wilde ran across the street before the crosswalk timer expired.
Wilde: hey there (Wilde extended his hand for a shake)
Monk: (glanced down at Wilde handed and shook his head indicating he preferred not to shake and then slightly bowed toward Wilde. Wilde bowed back.).
Wilde: Hi, I am r.wilde. nice to meet ya.
Monk: my name is Takamoto.
Wilde: what is that? Chinese? Japanese?
Takamoto: I not reely sure. Chinese, I tink.
Wilde: oh, its not your real name?
Takamoto: no, real name is Yuri Kozlovsky. That no reel monk sounding name, ya know? You may have heard of me. I am famous Russian cosmonaut.
Takamoto had been one of the infamous Russian cosmonaut crewmembers that had been accused of "flying drunk". After much ballyhoo his good name was later cleared, but he never rebounded from the negative press. He left his village Svetlana where he had at one time equaled David Hasslehoff's fame. He was never able to reach the Russian celebrity status again and became very depressed.
Svetlana was the same village that Napoleon's grandmother had been raised in and their families were close. Napoleon's grandmother's youngest living relative, Napoleon's great great great great great great great nephew, the Great Blandino had been a monk. He had one son from a marriage before joining the monastery. His son Martin joined up and talked Yuri into the idea. They both aspired to learn Kung Fu and practice the art of Japanese tree trimming called Bonsai. Martin told Takamoto that Bonsai would cure his depression.
Wilde asked to meet Martin too, but Takamoto informed him that Martin had taken a vow of silence for 5 days and besides he was looking at books in the gardening section and was very focused on memorizing certain pages so he didn't have to buy the book. Takamoto hated to bother him.
Takamoto was great to talk to. The two discussed many things. Before Takamoto would be allowed to learn Kung Fu, he had to pass his trial period.
There are trial periods in becoming a buddhist monk to see if you would want to become a buddhist monk, if you in fact do, you stay there at the monastery The monks must follow their disciplinary code called the Patimokkha. There are around 300 rules that Takamoto had to remember and obey. This obviously consumed much of Takamoto's time in the monastery.
They talked in depth about these rules. Takamoto had problems with the logic of certain rules. Below, the rules Takamoto disliked are itemized.
Parajikas Rules
If a monk breaks any one of the rules he is automatically 'defeated' in the holy life and falls from monkhood immediately. He is not allowed to become a monk again in his lifetime. Intention is necessary in all these four cases to constitute on offence. The four rules of parajikas for bhikku are:
Sexual intercourse, that is, any voluntary sexual interaction between a bhikku and a living being, except for mouth-to-mouth intercourse which falls under the Sanghadisesa.
Stealing, that is, the robbery of anything worth more than 1/24 troy ounce of gold
Takamoto, number one hated to not have a girlfriend. In Russia, he had many girlfriends. But the rule that bothered Takamoto the most was rule No.2 about stealing. He decided to test the limits and would constantly steal items of almost no value. He didn't need them so he would wind up discarding them.
Sanghadiseasa Rules
If the monk breaks any rule here he has to undergo a period of probation or displine after which, if he shows himself to be repentant, he may reinstated by a sangha of not less than twenty monks.
A few of these rules Takamoto had disdain for were:
Contact with a woman, including kissing or holding hands.
Requesting sexual favors from a woman, or telling her that she would benefit (i.e., spiritually) from having sex with the monk.
Building a hut without permission from the sangha, or building a hut that exceed 3 x 1.75 meters in size.
Having someone else build a hut for you without permission from the sangha, or exceeding 3 x 1.75 meters in size.
Rejecting well-grounded criticism, even after having been rebuked three times.
Takamoto had so planned on playing the monk card for his benefit and although he didn't want to build a hut, he didn't like being told he couldn't build one without permission. That's just how Takamoto rolled.
Aniyata Rules
The aniyata are two indefinite rules where a monk is accused of having committed an offence with a woman in a screened (enclosed) or private place by a lay person. It is indefinite because the final outcome depends on whether the monk acknowledges the offence. Benefit of the doubt is given to the monk unless there is over-riding evidence.
Takamoto told me about how he planned to hold hands with a certain nun and use his piety as a monk to call her a liar if she told anyone since he expected to be given the benefit of the doubt. At this point I questioned his commitment to monkhood out loud. Again, he told me how much he like kung fu.
Nissaggiya Pacittiya Rules
Keeping an extra robe for more than ten days after receiving a new one.
Sleeping in a separate place from any of his three robes.
Keeping an out-of-season robe for more than thirty days when one has expectation for a new robe.
Accepting a robe from the laity after asking two or more of them to pool their funds in order to buy a nicer robe (since this indicates an excess of desire)..
Making or accepting a blanket or rug fewer than six years after you last made or accepted one.
Carrying raw wool for more than 48 km.
Buying or selling goods.
Asking for a new bowl when your old bowl is not beyond repair.
Taking a medicine from storage for more than seven days.
Taking back a loaned robe out of anger.
Being separated from your robes for more than six nights if you are living in a dangerously distant village and need to separate yourself from your robes after the Rains Retreat.
If a robe was just about all Takamoto could have, he didn't see the problem with having a nice one and he definitely wanted a new bowl for with a new bowl came bragging rights among the brethern.
Also, their rules forbid the use of money, although this rule is nowadays not kept by all monks (wink, wink).
Pacittiya rules entailing confession
Accepting and eating food from a family living in a dangerous location, unless if the monk is sick.
The local people give food for the monks to eat. The problem for Takamoto is that the people from two villages away make better food than the village closest to him. Although he had heard of recent lion attacks to travelers, Takamoto still wanted them to bring him food so he pretended to be sick too often. This was very suspicious to all the other monks.
Takamoto had joined to become a kung fu expert and constantly feared being exposed for this less than desirable reason to be a monk and get kicked out forever.
Chinese Buddhist monks have been traditionally linked with the practice of the Chinese martial arts or Kung fu and monks are frequently important characters in martial arts films. This excited Takamoto but Wilde found it strange that Takamoto was not familiar with Bruce Lee.
This association is focused around the Shaolin Monastery. The Buddhist monk Bodhidharma, traditionally credited as the founder ofZen Buddhism in China, is also claimed to have introduced Kung fu to the country. This latter claim has however been a source of much controversy is much disputed in India.
Wilde told Takamoto that although he didn't care to become a Buddhist or well versed in kung fu, he thought llamas were great, so great in fact that Wilde told Takamoto of his own llama, Jerry. Wilde told Takamoto of many adventures involving his mischievous llama. Takamoto did not understand the llama reference so Wilde asked about the Dali Lama.
Takamoto: I have no clue what you are talking about, this lama.
Takamoto then told Wilde of how he liked to hide in various dimly light places around the monastery and frighten the other monks. It seemed as though Takamoto needed to get a lot of things off of his chest and Wilde enjoyed listening to other interesting people.
Wilde: Well, Takamoto, I have to go. We have an 11oclock appointment to meet our state representative and tour congress.
Takamoto: very well.
Wilde: We will probably grab a bite to eat tonight at Harry's, if you guys would like to join us.
Takamoto: if I can, then I will.
Wilde: so it's a promise?
Takamoto: no, that's not what I said grassjumper.
Wilde: grassjumper? You mean grasshopper?
Takamoto: If you prefer.
Wilde: See ya later this evening, hopefully.
Takamoto: peace out dawg. Until then.
p.s. i know that takamoto is a japanese name, not chinese, dont ask me about this, ask takamoto
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